When X-Files the series was at the heady height of its popularity, cattle mutilation and alien abduction were all the rage. I don’t think there was a dinner party in the Western world that didn’t have at least one tangential conversation about aliens probing cows.
Sadly, cow abduction has slipped inelegantly out of vogue; UFOs stealing cattle is no longer on the tips of people’s tongues.
Well, I’m on a personal mission to bring it back. I like this particular bovine mystery. I am saddened by its fall from fame.
Before I go on, I should state for the record that I’m not entirely sure that aliens exist; and, if there are aliens in the universe, they are most likely to be some type of low-level Martian mould; I strongly doubt that alien lifeforms visit us on a regular basis, let alone steal our cattle or probe our nether regions.
That being said, I want to believe they walk among us, and I will do anything I can to prove that they do.
People often ask “why would aliens bother travelling millions of miles just to hang around with two of the dumbest species on earth?” (cows and Americans [by the way, I don’t think Americans are the dumbest animal on the planet, I am quoting other sources]). Actually, that’s a pretty easy objection to handle: Americans and cows are two of the most dangerous species on earth – humans kill more animals than anything else; and, this may surprise you, but cows kill more people than sharks each year. So it kind of makes sense for aliens to focus on them.
Also, there are almost 100 million cattle and 319 million humans currently living in America, so that’s another good reason to study them – there are plenty to choose from.
What follows is a smattering of YouTube videos purporting to show genuine cattle abductions by alien beings. Some are ropier than others, but they’re all pretty darned ropey if I’m honest.
Without too much mucking about, let’s get on with this shonky horror show. I’ll start with the “best” one I could find, just so you know what level of believability we’re dealing with here. This comes from 1983:
I like that video because it doesn’t over-egg the spacecraft, and there isn’t too much pomp and ceremony. I can’t say the same for the following “production.” You’ll want to fast forward it to about 1:25 to avoid the annoying and boring preamble designed to make us think that this is a genuine video.
I think this is the “worst” one I found:
The next video isn’t really a video, it’s just a series of three stills, allegedly shot in Montana, USA. The images depict a cow being whooshed off into outer space, dragged by its hooves. Although it’s not really a video, I love the images. Their grainy, faltering quality sucked me in. I want to believe:
Although the final clip isn’t as dire as some of the attemtps at fakery I’ve watched this morning, I enjoyed it very much. Is it real? Ermmmm… nope:
No need to thank me. You are very welcome.