Everyone who knows anything about Australian wildlife knows you should just stay well away from water. Whether it’s the sea or a river you face imminent injury if you go anywhere near it. Even some of their plants are deadly and contain neurotoxins. The places is basically the biggest natural booby trap on the planet. They’ve got 6ft tall birds that can disembowel you and tiny spiders that can kill you with just one nibble. Even their cuddliest critters, the koala, will take a chunk out of you just for a laugh.
I must thank my brother Sam for pointing this story of idiocy out to me. It takes place in Darwin, Australia and as my brother rightly says, this guy has to be a contender for the Darwin awards.
Set the scene, our main protagonist – Sean Cole, 26 – was part of a birthday bash on the banks of the Mary River last Saturday with around 15 people. The Mary River is known to have one of the most dense populations of salt water crocodiles in the world. Locals and visitors alike know that you simply don’t swim in the Mary River and that’s the end of it. Salt water crocs can reach 7m (23ft) long. They’re not the kinda guys you can wrestle for jokes.
Sean and his mate however decided to swim to the other side and back. Sean was attacked and partially eaten and the remainder of his body reappeared on Monday morning.
Moral of the story: don’t go to Australia unless you are very, very careful.