Today I have gone out of my wayto slag off Apple. Why? Because they made me swear out doors in public yesterday and that’s not something I like to make a habit of. It’s crude and unnecessary. They made a fool of me.
When you buy an iPhone you think to yourself, “Wow, that is one sweet bit of technology in my pocket” and it is. It’s responsive, intuative and magical. A whole fairy cake of joy wrapped up in a little black oblong for you to easily digest without chewing and keep in your hearts and minds.
That’s all fine and well, very well indeed, especially if you have no computer or television for a while. Angry Birds have become my closest inner circle and Temple Run busily vindicates my soul for the umpteenth time. I am an addict, a worshipper and a slave to my shiney new technological nugget. BUT. Last night I tried their headphones for the very first time. I simply couldn’t find my other headphones, my nice big show off headphones. It was windy last night. Quite, quite windy, but I didn’t consider that a threat to my music listening pleasure.
iPhone headphones are NOT interested in staying in your ear unless your hair doesn’t move, your head doesn’t move, you don’t walk anywhere and you keep both fingers firmly pressed against the little white gits. I swore, loads. Howling in to the winds of Sussex like the wild beast of Preston Park. I mean who has ears with a perfectly circular canal leading in to them? – No one. It’s like holding on to slug with fingers made out of milk – NOT POSSIBLE OR ENJOYABLE.
Apple. Pick up your game. Yes the iStuff is snazzy and yes it works everso well despite your proprietory nature. But come on. Spend out a little on the headphones. You’re letting yourself down and your peeing me off, and you don’t want to do that. I’m a force to be reckoned with. I am a big wind in this windy valley so watch your spangly steps or I’ll bite your hat off.
On a lighter note: New childrens game this Christmas, it’s a game based on feeding a fat person with as much food as possible, and the person who makes them puke is the loser. It’s call Chunderoo. Buy it for your small female children as a point of reference for future eating disorders.