If you haven’t seen the film Fandango, watch it. Truman Sparks, played by Marvin J. McIntyre is the star of the show. The film is one of Kevin Costner’s early works, but don’t let that put you off it’s a brilliant film.
It has plenty of comedic moments nestled in with a liberal dashing of emotions. It’s really worth a watch.
McIntyre plays the bumbling, stoned to high heaven pilot extraordinaire. The film contains my favourite monologue during his parachute training scene:
“Okay, you’ll be coming out here and doing
a stable fall facedown, frog modified.
Out here comes the static line.
lt goes from this to here.
The pilot chute opens, pulling the bridle out,
and then the main canopy will be open.
And then you’ll be down here,
looking up here for the WDl indicator
And you’ll also check for Mae West.
lf that’s not there, you need to check here
for four panels and a hole.
When you come down, you’ll find the P,
you’ll land here and get in this position.
Except you don’t wanna do that.
What you want to do is get right here,
come around here, fold up…
…and do a toggle and jettison,
and always watch the horizon, okay?
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
No. Hold it.
You screwed up again, man.
You gotta stay clear
of this static line…
…or you’re gonna get
your head tore off.
This time, go ahead and jump off the strut
and arch back onto this mattress.
A good, hard arch. Okay?
Let’s do it one more time like l showed you.
You’re inside the plane. l cut the engine.
You reach your hands outside the door.
Step out on the wheel,
dangle a foot and arch!
Wow, he missed the mattress.”
“So if something goes wrong
with your main chute…
…you still got the old belly reserve here.
You get two shots at that mother, right?
We’re gonna go through it
like l showed you.
Now, you’re out on the wing,
and you’re looking at me.
Come on. You’re looking at me,
and l give you the signal to go!
Now you’re arching and counting.
lt’s , . There’s nothing happening!
When you get to six, you look up over
your shoulder. lt’s a screamer! Cut away!
Pull the D rings! Oh, God! Oh, shit!
You’re gonna burn in. Tuck and cover!
Tuck and cover! Hit the reserve!
Look out! You’re gonna burn in, man.
Look out! Here comes the ground!
Let it go.You gotta be cool, dude.
Do that in the real thing,
and you’ll bounce.
Yeah, when somebody makes the big drop,
they don’t really spatter.
They just kind of bounce,
like, about 10 feet.
Around here, you don’t,
because the landing zone’s real soft.
Although l know one case where
a guy left a crater like a meteorite.”
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